Dating apps can be exhausting. The endless swiping, the awkward messages (or no messages at all after a match!), the profiles that never quite match the person in real life, the people who aren’t interested in taking the time to build a connection. Trying to organise meeting up in person to get a real sense of their energy. It’s enough to make anyone delete the app and sigh.

But the beautiful truth is that the queer community is vibrant, active, and meeting IRL every single day! Whether you are seeking a life partner, a new group of sapphic friends, or just a stronger connection to the local community, meeting women in organic, shared-interest environments is often the most rewarding way to build lasting connections.

Here is an extensive guide to meeting lesbians outside of the dating app ecosystem.

1. Get Involved with Local LGBTQ+ Centres and Charities

The local LGBTQ+ Centre or community hub is the heart of the queer scene, regardless of city size. This is your first and best resource.

• Volunteer Regularly: Centres always need help! By committing to a weekly or monthly shift (e.g., reception, administrative help, or event prep), you will meet other dedicated queer women who value community service. Working as a team with other volunteers is a great way to form strong bonds.
• Attend Women-Specific Groups: Many centres host specific women’s social evenings, book clubs, sober meetups, or discussion groups. Look for events explicitly catering to LBTQ+ women and non-binary people.

2. Join a Queer-Friendly Sports League or Club

Shared physical activity is a phenomenal way to bond and build rapport without the pressure of a one-on-one date.

• Recreational Sports: Look for local gay/lesbian-friendly recreational leagues for softball, soccer, basketball, dodgeball, or even pickleball. These leagues are specifically designed for community and fun, not intense competition. Sports that are predominantly played by women, such as netball, will naturally have queer women there too, even if they aren’t specifically aimed at LGBT people.
• Outdoor Adventure: Join a women’s hiking, running, or climbing group. Outdoor clubs often attract queer women and provide a natural, relaxed setting for conversation. If you find it challenging sitting across from someone, making good eye contact, or you worry about keeping the conversation flowing, then events where you can move around and chat side by side can be much more enjoyable, low pressure alternatives. Check out Eventbrite, Meetup and Facebook for groups and events closest to you.

3. Leverage Online Platforms to Find In-Person Events

While you might be avoiding dating apps, other social platforms are crucial for discovering local gatherings.

• Facebook Groups: Search for local groups using terms like “Lesbians in [Your City]” or “Queer Women Social Club.” These are often the first place informal meetups are organised.
• Meetup.com & Eventbrite: These sites are goldmines for organised social activities. Some Lesbian and LGBT groups prefer to stay away from Facebook, so there are more events promoted on sites like these than you might expect. A friend mentioned that they knew someone who wanted to go to an LGBTQ event with her dog and we found a dog-specific one on Eventbrite just an hour from her home! Search for “LGBTQ+,” “Women’s Social,” or even specific hobbies (e.g., “Queer Gaming Night”).
• Lesbian Social Networks: Some non-dating apps or platforms (like the community features on HER, or local email newsletters) are dedicated to listing queer women’s events, from coffee mornings to club nights. I know the article is about how to escape the apps, but some of the dating apps also have the option to look for new friends, if you prefer to do that.

4. Volunteer for Pride and Political Groups

If you’re passionate about activism or social justice, these environments are perfect for meeting like-minded women.

• Pride Organising Committees: Pride isn’t just a day—it takes months of planning. Volunteering for the organising team gives you long-term, focused interaction with a diverse group of local queer leaders and volunteers. If you don’t have the time to commit on an ongoing basis, volunteering on the day will help you meet lots of other lesbians. This is especially good if you find it hard approaching new people – people might approach you for help or information.
• Political Advocacy: If this is something you are passionate about, join local chapters of LGBTQ+ political or social justice groups. Deep discussions and working toward a shared mission is an incredibly powerful foundation for building friendships and, who knows, even romance.

5. Explore Niche Interest Clubs and Classes

The best way to meet someone you’ll naturally connect with is by finding them while doing something you genuinely love.

• Arts and Crafts: Sign up for a pottery, painting, or knitting class. These relaxed settings encourage conversation and creative bonding. Ongoing classes mean bonds and friendships built slowly over time. Learning a new skill at the same time? Win-win!
• Book Clubs: Look for dedicated LGBTQ+ reading groups at your local independent bookstore or library. Or try Meetup, Facebook or Eventbrite. They might sound very serious and intimidating for those of us who aren’t big readers, but many book clubs are just an excuse to socialise tbh!
• Music and Performance: Join a mixed-voice or all-women LGBTQ+ choir, drama club, or improv group. Sharing a stage or rehearsal room builds great camaraderie. Many choirs are predominantly women, so if you can’t find a specific lesbian choir, there could still be some LGBT women there.

6. Attend Women’s-Only Spaces and Venues

While their numbers may have dwindled, dedicated lesbian and women’s queer spaces remain vital community hubs.

• Lesbian Bars and Pubs: If your city has one, support it! If not, look for established “gay bars” that host a regular “women’s night” or are known to attract a diverse clientele early in the week. There are some lesbian social groups who hire out bars for the night every couple of months. I regularly go to events organised by my local group, including camping weekends, museum trips and even a Lesbian Christmas Ball! Take a look at what’s happening on Eventbrite, Meetup or Facebook.
• Queer-Friendly Coffee Shops: Some independent cafes become unofficial queer-friendly hangouts. Look for rainbow flags, flyer boards advertising queer events, or staff who seem to be part of the community. Remember to check out our Lesbian Merch store on Redbubble for clothes and accessories, to make sure other lesbians know that you’re part of the tribe!

7. Go on Queer-Centric Retreats and Travel

If you have the means, travelling specifically for a queer event or retreat dramatically increases your chances of meeting new people.

• Lesbian Festivals: Events like The Dinah Shore Weekend, women’s music festivals, or smaller regional Pride events often attract queer women from outside the immediate area. 
• Women’s Travel Groups: Look into queer-specific travel agencies or cruise lines that organise women-only trips and tours. The shared travel experience is a natural icebreaker.

The Secret Ingredient: Showing Up (And Out)

Meeting people requires two things: visibility and consistency.

1. Show Up Consistently: Don’t go to a hiking group once and give up. Choose one or two activities and commit to attending regularly. The magic happens when faces become familiar and acquaintances turn into friends.
2. Make Yourself Approachable: Put your phone away, make eye contact, and smile. A simple compliment (“I love your t-shirt, where did you get it?”) or a self-introduction (“Hi, I’m Sarah, I’m new to the group!”) is often all it takes to start a great conversation. Wearing lesbian clothing or accessories can also help you to break the ice and find your tribe, which is exactly why we created our lesbian clothing and accessories collection on Redbubble, which you can find here.
3. Use Your Network: Tell your existing friends (queer and straight!) that you are looking to meet new people. They are often your best source for introductions, set-ups, or invitations to parties where you can mingle.
4. Met someone but not sure whether they are into you? Read our in-depth Guide of how to tell whether a lesbian likes you here.

By stepping away from the apps and into your local queer ecosystem, you not only increase your odds of meeting great women but also enrich your entire community experience. Good luck!